Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
