the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
