I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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