To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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