Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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