I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize