I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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