I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
