when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
