Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
