You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize