giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
