Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
