Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
