It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
