Do you still have your period?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize