Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
