dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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