she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
