Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
