Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
