Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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