You just made me feel so damn special
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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