dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
