I didn't shave. On purpose
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
