Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
