just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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