Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
