Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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