then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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