I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
