he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
