What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
