I've blown a few things in my day
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
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I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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