cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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