Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
