I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
