I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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