how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
