My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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