Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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