just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
