You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
