my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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