Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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