I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
