He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
