he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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