Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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