There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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