I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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