so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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