I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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