oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
