He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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