Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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