And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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