we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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