you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
