I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
