I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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