last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
only you would photoshop your dick
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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