you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
