Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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