Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
