I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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