im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
