remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
