I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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