Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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