I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
